Despair’s book, “The Art of Demotivation” now available for Kindle, iPad & iPhone


The Art of Demotivation™ eBook has Arrived!

Dr. E.L. Kersten’s Landmark Text Comes to Kindle and iPad

(NOTE TO READERS: I’m on vacation for a week. But even from this modest rental room somewhere in the Colorado mountains, I am unfortunately not completely free of my duties- as I was just informed by my boss in an epic, seven-part series of lengthy and increasingly slurred voicemails left on my iPhone earlier today… It’s a long, alcohol-soaked story- as are many starring my superior… But the short version is this. Despair has released eBooks of “The Art of Demotivation”. The Kindle version is here. The iPad and iPhone versions you can buy if you have the Apple iBook App (to find it, just search the app for “Demotivation” and you’ll find it).

Below is an EPIC tome that I received an email from the Marketing Department. I’m leaving it all as is- since my laptop is dying, and really, I’m on vacation and I’d rather not spend several hours trying to clean it up, shorten, edit, or whatever. (This very same department is responsible for spelling Lloyd Blankfein’s name wrong in that JPEG, natch…) I do hope you’ll enjoy reading it…. More than anything, I hope you’ll BUY an eBook if you have a Reader.

Finally, in answer to the inevitable questions I’ll receive from longtime readers of “The Wailing List”… NO, THIS EBOOK IS NOT THE RADICAL NEW PRODUCT LINE I’VE BEEN OCCASIONALLY MENTIONING HERE. BUT DON’T WORRY… THAT’S NOT TOO FAR AWAY FROM RELEASE NOW…)

And now, I present to you: someone else’s marketing announcement, pasted below. Enjoy!

Current and future Executives rejoice! The long-awaited eBook of the most important management guide ever written has arrived. Available immediately for both Kindle and the Apple iPad, The Art of Demotivation – MBA Edition, provides the next-generation of management the best source of wisdom they will ever encounter in a single text. Better still, it does so at a price that is almost obscene.

$15.95

You heard that right. This Edition of The Art of Demotivation runs $10 cheaper than our Manager edition, $24 cheaper that the Executive Edition and a full $1180 less than our historic Chairman Edition. If you’ve been waiting to buy the book Lucy Kellaway of the Financial Times called “the most daring, funny and subversive management guide ever written” then by all means stop reading this email and buy it!

Kindle Buyers, click here to order yours Go to Kindle Store

iPad and iPhone buyers, simply search for “Demotivation” in Apple’s iBookstore.

If you’re wonder just what The Art of Demotivation is about, please keep reading.


The Art Of Demotivation™

A Visionary Guide for Transforming Your Company’s Least Valuable Asset – Your Employees

Features 17 Demotivators ® illustrations by Kevin Sprouls, Creator of the Wall Street Journal Portrait Technique.

Motivation has become a multi-billion dollar industry, courtesy of the patronage of corporations and the noble intentions of Executives who lead them. At the heart of this colossal confederation of inspirational speakers, platitudinous posters, parable-filled management books, and increasingly complicated incentive programs lies an alluring promise: that with enough encouragement, empowerment, and esteem, employees will become productive and loyal, to the benefit of both their employers and themselves.

Yet in spite of the staggering expenditures on packaged esteem, polls show that worker morale has reached critical lows, with a majority of employees even claiming to hate their jobs. How is this possible? And more importantly, what can Executives do about this crisis of employee dissatisfaction?

In this revolutionary new management book, Despair, Inc. founder Dr. E.L. Kersten plumbs the depths of employee discontent and identifies its root cause. Though most employees live lackluster lives full of wasted opportunities and trivial accomplishments, they grow ever more certain of their enormous worth and glorious destinies. This is because they are the products of a narcissistic age, the results of a grand social experiment that has gone terribly awry. As a result, they are afflicted with an irrational sense of entitlement that simultaneously increases their dissatisfaction with their jobs and prevents them from accepting responsibility for their lives. Thus, in a terrible irony, managers who attempt to motivate employees by bolstering their self-esteem have only compounded the problem. By reinforcing the delusions of grandeur that imprison and torture the average worker, management has only further reinforced their sense of entitlement to the wealth, stature and privilege that justice dictates be reserved for the truly accomplished and inarguably worthy: namely, Executives.

With The Art of Demotivation, former professor and current executive Kersten offers not only a comprehensive analysis of the problem but a prescriptive solution; one grounded not in the humanistic fantasies of infinite human potential so often embraced by the motivation industry, but in the grim realities of a broken world. Managers who seek a productive, loyal workforce must first seek to liberate their employees from their prisons of narcissism by forcing them to confront that which they expend enormous energy to avoid:

their true selves.

About the Editions: Kindle Version

Kindle… Still the First Book Reader. Well, There was the Sony but You Know Who Bought that Thing?

Kindle Edition
Go to Kindle Store

Kindle readers already know how easy it is to download books with Whispersync. You also know just how easy Kindle’s eInk is on the eyes. The Art of Demotivation’s beautiful dot-stipple illustrations are truly a site to see. But this slightly-less-than-magical device has other features too.

Only Kindle offers a built-in Text-to-Speech function. We (unlike many publishers out to dupe readers into buying expensive audiobooks separately) have published The Art of Demotivation – Kindle Edition with Text-To-Speech enabled. No Author’s Guild or Audiobook Engineers Union can stop you from hearing Dr. E.L. Kersten’s landmark text read to you by a male or female sounding robot.

In addition to the roboreader, Kindle readers enjoy the unique privilege of reading The Art of Demotivation without the temptation to play fun 3d games, watch beautiful HD-quality movies, or Twittering some nonsense about using the potty. Kindle is a straight-up book reader and not going to get sucked into the game of trying to out-Apple thank you very much.

Order Yours NOW.

iPad/iPhone Readers
Suddenly Your Cool Shiny Toy just Made Your Shareholders a Lot More Money

If you own an iPhone or an iPad, you may already be well on your way to becoming a great Executive. You see, you have an eBook reader capable of delivering The Art of Demotivation directly to that device formerly only useful as a means to surf the web, chat with friends, watch movies, listen to music, place telephone calls and  engage in realtime streaming video conferences using Apple’s Facetime only to have them drop when your pinky accidentally touches that part of the phone that you know no idiot should ever have reason to lay a finger on.

That’s right. It’s time to put away childish things and get down to business. Who knew the secret to your corporate ascent was hidden inside that thing you tweet with while sitting on the potty?

All you need to do is download Apple’s free iBooks app.

Get the Free iBooks App for your iPhone and iPad

Once you’ve installed this free app, simply open it up. Then select the STORE button. Then type The Art of Demotivation into the SEARCH field. Voila! You’re ready to order.

Be the First in Your Company to Order an iPad Version

iPad Owner and Aspirant to the Corner Office? You know what to Do..

Once your life has been eternally transformed by your read of The Art of Demotivation, please review this book so that others will be able to experience the power of Radical Demotivation™.


If You Liked These Books…

If You Liked These Books

Then We’re Sorry to Say You’re a Hopelessly Deluded Idiot who Needs ‘The Art of Demotivation’ More than Anyone

Despair has a history of deflating oversized egos. We launched our classic Demotivators in 1998, in the full roar of the Dot Com Bubble. When others were taking revenueless companies public, Despair was cautioning the public against of the dangers of baseless optimism for its own sake.  But our warnings largely went unheeded.

Undeterred, our product team led by Dr. E.L. Kersten, released the print edition of The Art of Demotivation in 2005. With the nation in the midst of the swelling of another bubble, now in Real Estate, thousands wisely purchased Kersten’s pinpricking text and took corrective action while they still could.  The wise ones were spared the effects of the financial holocaust that hit in 2007. As one Amazon reviewer put it “I bought the book, when it came out in 2005, hoping for a laugh. I was only able to read half the book because I found it devastating rather than funny… [but] I got out a year before the crash, safe. All I can say is, thank you, E. L. Kersten.” You’re welcome Mr. Hughes.

The lessons of this timely and yet timeless work have never been more resonant than today.  

Don’t waste another moment. Order your copy of The Art of Demotivation for Amazon Kindle or the Apple iBook reader right now.

The Critics Speak:

The Art of Demotivation™ is the most daring, funny and subversive management book ever written…

Lucy Kellaway,
The Financial Times

A welcome pinprick in the bloated hot air balloon of management advice-it should accompany The 8th Habit or Raving Fans in the same manner that The Wealth of Nations should accompany Das Kapital.
–Kirkus Discoveries

“E.L. Kersten has written the most original business book in years… The Art of Demotivation [is] perhaps the most relentlessly on-message and thorough work of sarcasm since Swift penned “A Modest Proposal.” E.L. Kersten has found the authors of all the bad business books and beaten their collective [bobos] by hijacking their art form.”

–Smart CEO Magazine

Insight therapy hurts, you should use a more prominent warning label Mr. Kersten!
–A 5 Star Amazon Review

p.s.

This Wailing List was written by an unfortunate person working in our Call Center (@disservice) and not your usual Author.(@wailinglist) He’s on vacation. Please note I’m trying to compensate for my lack of wit and G.E.D. with copious use of graphics. Please click through and by the eBook if you can afford it. I don’t want to lose my job.

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Despair, Inc. | 800 Interchange – Suite 102 | austin, tx | 78721

Stay current on the latest news at blog.despair.com.

NEW DESPAIRWEAR: Personalized Mugshot Tees, Social Media Venn Diagram 2.0!


Are you ready for a SoftWear Upgrade?

Well, ready or not, here they come! And first in the lineup is a revolutionary leap in personalized ironic wear- our Personalized Mugshot Tees.

For the first time ever, we’re able to produce fully customizable t-shirts ON DEMAND- granting you, the discerning cynic, even greater firepower in your war against mundane clothing!

Our Personalized Mugshot Tee allow you to choose the name printed on the Police placard, as well as the ability to select the specific crime that individual has been arrested for. IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES!

What about a personalized “PUBLIC INTOXICATION” tee for that coworker who got just a weeeeeeeee bit drunk at the last company outing? Or how about a t-shirt identifying that overbearing alpha-male lunkhead in your life as being guilty of “IMPERSONATING A MAN”? Or what about buying an “INDECENT EXPOSURE” tee for that woefully immodest lady-of-ill-repute who you unfortunately have to call “Sis”. The possibilities are as limitless as your liability!

Yes, this level of fully customizable awesomeness doesn’t come cheap- in fact, it’s costing us a fortune to print these babies! And- to the rest of the profane riffraff out there in the world, this level of badassicality is retailing for a respectable $29.95.

But for you, Wailing List subscriber, we introducing them at “a very special price”.

If you want to pick up YOUR fully Personalized Mugshot Tee for $6 less than retail, all you need to do is use the coupon code shoplifting when placing your order. It’s good for 20% off any and all Personalized Mugshot Tee that you purchase by Sunday!

And hey, that’s not all! Speaking of Soft Wear Upgrades, we’ve also just updated our Social Media Venn Diagram Tee to Version 2.0.1. Now with foursquare compatibility!

If you’re not exactly sure WHY we decided to give Foursquare that particular honor in our upgraded design, here’s a helpful hint.

And hey- if you’re looking to upgrade your Social Media Tee, you can get in on the same Soft Wear Upgrade discount program we’re offering for the Mugshot Tees. Just use the coupon code shoplifting and you’ll pick up that t-shirt for 20% off! That’s only $12.76 a tee! And it still includes all those shiny colors- at no extra charge!

Remember, this coupon code expires on Sunday. So if you want to get in on these sweet deals, you gotta move!

Introducing New Demotivators® “Legacy, Acquisition & (Wealth!)”


Our latest Caption Contest voting is complete- and the winners are decided! Introducing LEGACY and ACQUISITION. Our two first prize winners are Mike Plantan (for “Legacy”) and Ms. Deborah Knight (for “Acquisition”). They’re both soon to receive checks for $750, along with some other goodies. Also in line for a $250 cash prize for Retweeting our Contest Announcement is one Haley Vilhaurer (@haleybobl). Congrats to you all!

And, yet again, LEGACY and ACQUISITION aren’t the only new Demotivators we’re adding this week. Despair’s proud to unveil our latest entry into the canon, WEALTH! Didn’t see THAT coming, huh? And still- the WINS continue. Because starting now, Despair is going to give each and every one of you a chance to pick a free Desktopper or Lithograph with your next order! But details matter, SO PAY ATTENTION!

We’ve unveiled Desktoppers of all three new designs (Acquisition“, “Legacy” and “Wealth) and Lithographs of “Wealth” and “Legacy”. And from now through the weekend, we’re giving YOU folks a chance to choose which of the new items you’d like to pick up for FREE! All you have to do is decide which item you’d like for free- then use the appropriate coupon code (listed below) when placing your order. We’ll handle the rest! (note:You must have $19.95 of merchandise in your cart before you can apply your free product coupon.)

Free Acquisition Desktopper, use the coupon code: freeacquisitiondesktopper
Free Legacy Desktopper, use the coupon code: freelegacydesktopper
Free Legacy Lithograph, use the coupon code: freelegacylitho
Free Wealth Desktopper, use the coupon code: freewealthdesktopper
Free Wealth Lithograph, use the coupon code: freewealthlitho

But if you’re interested in taking advantage of one of these freebies, you’ll have to act fast. The coupon codes expire this Monday!

Thanks again to all of you who participating in our latest contest. Whether you submitted a caption, or you judged raw entries, or you retweeted the contest tweet, or you just voted on Semi-Finalists- you helped bring about two funny new entries to the Demotivator® canon.

See y’all soon!

Father’s Day is coming and Despair’s Free Gift Promo is Back


FATHER’S DAY IS JUNE 20TH- AND WE’RE HERE TO HELP!
(But please pay attentions- the details are important!)

Duration: NOW through Tuesday June 8thIt’s the rare return of my most favorite of promotions (since, uh, I invented it myself…). That’s right- it’s THE GIFT! Put simply, this is the promo where we give Wailing List subscribers like yourselves the chance to GET ONE FREE GIFT from a list of several of our most popular products! Yes, for free! All you have to do is spend $29.95 on something (or combination of things- including your FREEBIE). Then, use the coupon code- and viola!

Just so there’s no confusion- here’s an example!

You put two of our beautiful 24″x30″ Lithographs into your shopping cart. The total? $31.90. Then you apply the coupon- and suddenly, your order total is $15.95! You just got a free $15.95 poster!

And guess what? This time around, we’ve even added Mousepads to the mix! So you’ve got NO EXCUSE not to take advantage of this great promotion while you can! Getting a cynical humor product for your perpetually grumpy Dad is thoughtless enough- how much moreso when you don’t even really pay for it? You can’t put a PRICE on that kind of thoughtlessness! (‘Cause it’s, uh, well, you know… Free.) Ready to take advantage of this amazing, limited-time super-deal? Here are the coupon codes you’ll need to know!

If you want a free Laptop Skin with your order,
use the coupon code: freelaptopskin

If you want a free Lithograph with your order,
use the coupon code: freelithograph

If you want a free Desktopper with your order,
use the coupon code: freedesktopper

If you want a free T-shirt with your order,
use the coupon code: freetee

If you want a free Mousepads with your order,
use the coupon code: freemousepad

REMEMBER:
These codes expire Tuesday the 8th- at midnight Central Time- so use them or lose them! And remember, by ordering during THIS promotion, you’ll also be helping me to look like a badass before my college-educated marketing “superiors”- who think the idea of a “brilliant” marketing promotion is one in which they end up with an even more vaunted job title on their business card and even more take home pay than they already bank. Like they don’t make enough already! (Yes, I’m talking to YOU, H.J.!)

So what are you waiting for? Start loading up! NOW!!!!!!!!!!

Free Shipping – Which Sucks for Us.


This week, rather than introducing a new product, Despair is throwing a bone to all the whiners out there who complain about our shipping charges being exorbitant. Even you international whiners!

For our American customers, we’re offering a return of our FREE SHIPPING PROMOTION. All you need to do to take advantage of it is place an order for at least $19.95 worth of goods- and use the code shipitfreetome.

If you live outside the United States, and you want to get FREE SHIPPING, well, sorry, we can’t quite do THAT! But we can give you at least a little help, seeing as we usually do gank y’all in particular when it comes to shipping rate calculation. (Call it the Revenge of the Weak Dollar Policy…) If you unAmerican folks out there place an order for at least $29.95 worth of product, you can get $10 in credit on your International Shipping fees by using the coupon code yougreedyyanks.

(Both codes expire on Sunday.)

So- what are you waiting for? Start making our already overworked customer disservice employees even more miserable! Get shopping! Pick up some DespairWear Tees, or some Demotivator Lithographs. Or better yet, check out our just-expanded collection of badassical Laptop Skins and Mousepads! (Click on the “Non Demotivator Designs” to see a great many new choices of either! And do it now!)

The Second BP “Spill” Shirt


Every once in awhile, Despair’s generally lackluster writing staff ends up being especially productive on a topic, producing two-or-more variations on the same basic theme. Such was the case with our BP t-shirt.

Two equally strong executions made it to final round- the shirt you’ve previously seen, and the one you now see at the top of this e-mail, “The Spill Tee“.

We decided, after much bickering, to produce both versions of the tee. The former, a text-based bit of culture jamming, and the latter, a wordless bit of artistic satire.

Now, some of you will rightly wonder- “Why didn’t you roll these out both at the same time?”" The answer is, “We’re idiots, that’s why. Now are you satisfied?”

But- knowing that we may have inadvertently denied you the design you’d have preferred, we are extending the duration of our earlier coupon code. You know, the shortest one we’ve ever used in the history of Despair? Because too many people screwed up the longer, funnier version? In case you forgot- or you didn’t notice is it PRINTED ON THE T-SHIRT ITSELF- here is the coupon code:

BP

That code is valid for a week. BP. If you use that code, you’ll still get the 25% discount on the BP t-shirt.